The Name of my Love
by gaz4life167
Summary: While walking in the fade, f!Lavellan speaks her thoughts about Solas.


**The Name of my Love**

She felt him there. Just behind her. In the corner of her eye. Night after night she wandered, hoping to find the path that led towards him, and not away. But still, he was there, watching her. And that was good enough. Good enough to prove she was in his thoughts. Good enough to feel the longing both had in the vast distances.

She smiled softly. He couldn't see, wouldn't come close. He stayed away, and she knew it was because if he came close, he would lose his will, and he would not be able to leave. But he was determined. Far beyond her.

Her smile widened. He thought he was far enough away. 'Silly man' she thought to herself. For all his safe guards, he never once stopped her from talking. Whether he was close enough to hear, or the echo of her words reached him. He always heard her.

Looking around, to be certain he was here, and she was not simply wishing his presence. There. Where he always was, just behind her, the corner of her eye.

"Solas" His name broke the silence. The fade always reacted to his name, even if it was slight. He was such a part of it. "You know, I love your name Solas." He voice trailed her as she slowly walked forwards. No destination, just marking the fade with her thoughts. "It has so much meaning. There was a moment, when I was alone by the lake. More naked than I have ever been, heart open to you, when your name meant Soulless. I could not imagine such a caring man being so cold. It was fleeting however." The soft fall of her steps was the only response. She knew well he would not reply. That didn't change her purpose. "More often, your name meant more to me. Solace. You gave me that. When my mark was burning in concert with the sky, you gave me solace. When you quipped with our friends, you gave me solace. When we sat, quietly, side by side, you gave me solace. You gave me yourself, vhenan. You gave me Solas."

She paused as the air shimmered to reflect her thoughts. Wisps of memory danced around her. A hand on her cheek. Words by the fire. Smiles, true and full of meaning. They were gone as quick as they had appeared. She continued walking. The fade was darker now. Less vibrant. It hummed as if it was waiting, as if it knew what her next words must be.

"Solas. Your name means one more thing, does it not? Pride. Such a layered word. I find it hard to think of you and pride as partners. Yet it is there. It always was. Even when your clothes were humble, your heart was not. Only you could stop the Evanuris. Your way was the only option. All other ways were worse. You must fix it. Only you can. The lives, the cultures that have been growing and changing, and creating wonders. None of that is as good as what you know. Yet, it is more subtle in you. You speak of gaining knowledge, and how there are other paths. So, why do you walk alone? Fen'Harel, dread wolf no more. The lonely wolf."

She felt it then. One step closer. It was as if he could not help himself. One paw forwards. Still, she didn't turn. Her wolf would run if challenged. And she would lose him in the dream.

"I am here with you. Distance does not matter, vhenan. Var lath vir suledin. And I will not give up on you. Pride makes you strong, yet love would make you more. I would hold your heart, protect it from damage. I would raise you up, when doubts brought you low. When shadows clawed at your back, I would light the way, and follow you into the darkness. You would not have me see you at your worst."

She stood, raised upon the cliffs of her imagination. Waves churning with her thoughts. Slowly, she turned. He would not go, not yet. He would hear her last words. The fade calmed behind her, stilled again to the silence of dreams. She looked at him. And smiled. Brightly, broadly. With every fibre of her being.

"I know you, my love. I am always here, my path follows yours. For I know you Solas. All that your name entails. The dark, the light, the worry, the power. When I speak your name, it is not a foolish wish. I speak it knowingly. Solas. The name of my love."


End file.
